WiseAss Thinkers


What the heck is wrong with us, peverse Humans?

Author: dexjackson

Date: 14/08/2009

WiseAss Thinkers

Twas’ a strange last few days this week. As usual, I did my daily grind that I usually do when I’m on break. Eating, playing a game or two, writing in this blog, schmucking up and finally laying down for the day. Take note: “schmucking up”. Now, I must point out that I am no schmohawk; only an average schmuck of the day, who is there to mess up things for others or say or do the most inappropriate things at the most inoppurtune times. This might include accidentally saying that Jesus didn’t exist in front of a religious family of Catholics at a friend’s party, saying that the Chinese sound like they’re speaking nonsense in the when a waiter goes by while having a meal in a noodle bar- even so far as to accidentally write off the fact that cripples aren’t able to do a lot of things in the world, while a paraplegic passes by me and an acquiatance when I was only talking casually about a computer game.

Now, that probably makes me sound like a frequent victim of circumstance, similar to that of Larry David’s character in brilliant HBO comedy, Curb Your Enthusiam. And indeed, I am- except that last example never happened, although it would make for a good chuckle as story told at a party. Except… compared to this, my mannerism, indeed, my “schumckyness” cannot even reach the same levels of inane, crazy and just downright creerpy stupidity that is this man:  Prince. No, not that Prince- he still sucks by the way. A Mr. Art Price Jr.: The man caught in the “horizontal bungie-jump” act with a picnic table (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1583118/American-caught-having-sex-with-picnic-table.html). Bear in mind, this is not the first something strange like this has happend. Instances like this man caught couptulating with a Hoover brand vaccum cleaner (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1580535/Worker-caught-having-sex-with-Henry-Hoover.html) and the teen caught having pelvic exercise session with the pavement (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/south_of_scotland/7079288.stm).

An innocent picnic table: an example of one that was "groomed" by a stranger than strange individual.

An innocent picnic table: an example of one that was "groomed" by a stranger than strange individual.

What boggles the mind, is why these men decided to do such incredibly foolish and certainly peverse acts; and then get themselves caught doing it, whether by a neighbour filming them – who is also a perv, thank you very much, halting the flow of traffic, or even being found with less pubic hair then you started out with by a extremely horrifed security guard- although, to be fair, the teen who got caught having it off with the pavement was only trying to lift themself off the poor, newly violated slab of concrete due to their arthritas, so it’s not all bad. Common Sense dictates that you don’t have sex with inantimate objects, for fearing of losing your sanity- no offense to the guys that use Blow-up Dolls, though surely you must understand that the PVC man/woman isn’t a real one. Unfortunately, you still get these strange folk out of the general populace who commit such oddities and need the Law to ride their ass – we’re having it off with the System now? – to keep them in check. Seriously, what planent am I on? Oh… right.

Even Tommy Lee Jones knows that this incidences were just ridiculous

Even Tommy Lee Jones knows that this incidences were just ridiculous

It’s worrying, no, it’s just plain creepy. I mean, I’m not trying to insinuate that all people who do weird things are to be hounded for doing so- otherwise we’d still be in caves, mind you. I’m just trying my darndest – acutally, I’m not, I’m being lazy, but that’s not the point – to figure out why we, already an odd and surprisingly mightmarish species to the Earth, still continue to schmuck about like the dammed bi-pedal animals we are. We are constantly coming up with many new and cool things, like the Large Hadron Colider thingy a good while ago. Surprisingly, events happened that acutally helped us out, like the time Kenedy was found to be a commie. Oh, wait… that wasn’t a good thing. This warrants further discussion, but I’m too tired right now to correct past politics. Maybe I’ll get squadiee onto that. For now, though, it’s time for me go have me some lovely Apple Pie. By which I mean eat, NOT have my way with it…

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